HoroscopoDiario
When doing a Tarot reading for ourselves, we often find that the chatter of our hopes and fears invariably intrudes. Because of this, it is important to find out how we can silence the voice of our rational mind long enough to enable us to hear our intuitive wisdom. To enable you to do that, I have created a variety of non-divinatory techniques for using Tarot cards to empower you to create the future you want. Here is one that I call “Making Relationships Work.”
Note: Before reading this, you might want to read my introduction to Tarot Self-Empowerment Techniques.
Relationship problems are probably the most common reason why people seek guidance from a Tarot reading. Consequently, I have developed a couple of techniques for using Tarot cards to heal relationship issues. I recently posted the first one; here is the second one.
Typically, our relationship problems are reflective of problems within ourselves, and so the solutions are within us as well. After all, if we are in a relationship that is problematic, we cannot change the other person (although many people try to do that). Ultimately, all that we can ever change is ourselves, and when we fix our internal issues, we usually find that our relationships end up improving as well.
Note that the technique presented here is not limited to dealing with romantic relationships. It can also help you heal non-romantic ones, such as your relationship with a parent, a child, a friend, or a co-worker. Also, not all relationships are salvageable; some are toxic and should be abandoned. This technique is not designed for such relationships.
Healing a Relationship
This exercise is intended to improve your ability to deal with a relationship you are in. Again, this relationship can be with anyone from your significant other to a co-worker. This “other person” will be referred to here as your “partner.”
As you do the following steps, try to focus your attention on the most challenging aspect of this relationship. If there is a particular problem that is bothering you about your relationship, use that. If not, it might help to consider what you would most like to change about this relationship or what issue causes the most conflict within it.
A: You
First, quickly go through your deck, cards face up, intuitively choosing cards that depict how you view yourself in this relationship. Remember to avoid lingering for long over any one particular card. Once you have pulled several cards, narrow your selection down until you have chosen the one card that best describes you in this relationship. You can weed out cards that are redundant, that are subordinate to another card, or that you have changed your mind about. Write down the card you finally settled on (you can use the chart at the end of this post), and then consider the following questions:
- What does this card say about how you affect this relationship?
- What does this card say about how this relationship affects you?
- Are you happy with how this card depicts you in this relationship? Why or why not?
B: Your partner
Go through your deck and choose cards that depict how you view your partner in this relationship. Again, do this quickly, then narrow down your choices as explained above. Write down the card you settled on, and then consider the following questions:
- What does this card say about how you see your partner in this relationship?
- What does this card say about how you feel your partner affects this relationship and vice versa?
C: Interaction
Go through your deck, quickly choosing cards that depict how you and your partner typically interact, and narrow down your choices as before. Write down the card you settled on, and then consider the following questions:
- What does this card say about how the two of you relate to one another? Concentrate on how you feel about this interaction?
- What does this card indicate that you may want to change about how you interact with your partner?
D: Ideal Interaction
Go quickly through your deck and this time pick cards that depict how you would like to have you and your partner interact. Narrow down your choices as before. Write down the card you settled on, and then consider the following questions:
- What does this card indicate that you want to cultivate in your relationship?
- How does it suggest you make that change?
Based upon the above, note several “ideal” qualities that you would like your relationship to have, such as “fun”, “sharing” or “passion.” With words that you used in that quality description, write a statement affirming that your relationship has those qualities. Now you need to send this affirmation into your unconscious so that it can become a habit of thought. While looking at the card you chose for this step, or while holding a mental image of it, say your affirmation out loud three times.
This step, along with the affirmation you created for it, is intended to create openings in the wall that may have grown up over time between you and your partner.
E: Actions to transform your relationship
Go through your deck choosing cards that depict qualities or abilities you have that can help you transform your relationship into the ideal relationship indicated in the prior step. Again, do this quickly and narrow down your choices as before. Write down the card you settled on, and then consider the following question:
- What actions does this card recommend you take to transform your relationship?
Think of a specific and concrete action, no matter how small it may seem, that you can do within the next twenty-four hours based upon the above recommendation. Then commit to taking that action.
F: The Ideal You
Go through your deck looking for cards that depict the person you would like to be in this relationship. Do this quickly, and narrow down your choices as before. Write down the card you settled on, and then consider the following question:
- What does this card indicate that you want to change about yourself?
Based upon the above, note one or more ideal qualities that you would like to have in this relationship, such as “strength” or “understanding.” With words that you used in the above quality description, write a statement affirming that you have those qualities. Now you need to send this affirmation into your unconscious so that it can become a habit of thought. While looking at the card you chose for this step, or while holding a mental image of it, say your affirmation out loud three times. Do this as often as you need.
G: Actions to transform yourself
Quickly go through your deck to find cards that depict qualities or abilities that can help you transform yourself into the ideal relationship partner depicted in the previous step. Narrow your choices as before. Write down the card you settled on, and then consider the following question:
- What actions does this card recommend you take to transform yourself?
Think of a specific and concrete action, no matter how small it may seem, that you can do within the next twenty-four hours based upon the above recommendation. Then commit to taking that action.
Now lay out your cards as indicated in the diagram at the end of this blog post. When these cards are viewed all together in this way, what do they imply about the dynamics between you and your partner, and about your relationship? What do they reveal about how you can transform yourself and your relationship?
Another way to do this technique is for both of you to do the above exercise separately, which will result in you ending up with two layouts. (The logistics of this are best if you each use a separate deck, although this is not necessary.) Compare them and the corresponding interpretations that you both came up with for the cards chosen. Then consider the following questions:
- How do your views of your current relationship (i.e., both your “C” cards) differ? What does this say about your conflicts in this relationship? On the other hand, how are your views of this relationship the same or complementary?
- How do your goals for your relationship (i.e., both your “D” cards) differ? What does this say about the differing paths you two want this relationship to take? How might you reconcile these differences? On the other hand, how are your relationship goals the same?
- How do your views of each other compare? (Compare your “A” card to his or her “B” card; your “B” card to his or her “A” card.)
H: Ideal Partner (Optional)
You each may also pull an eighth card to represent what you want your partner to be like, and then compare your ideals of each other. In other words, compare your “F” card to their “H” card and vice versa. The purpose of this is to provide additional perspectives on the cards you each picked for your ideal selves, giving them a “reality check” by comparing them to your partner’s ideal of you.
Note that if you are doing this technique by yourself, it is not a good idea to pull this last card (the “H” card). The reason is that the resulting temptation to consider how you can change your partner to conform to that ideal can be quite compelling. You can change yourself, and thus change your relationship, but you cannot change someone else.
Here is the layout for this relationship technique:
